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Written by Aaron Torres
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Friday, 22 January 2010 10:03 |
 I’m not a late sleeper. Never have been, never will be. Even in college, when I was out until 3 a.m. and drank Gin like I was in England in the 1750’s, I could never sleep past 8:30. Ever.
Which is why I was caught off guard last Sunday when I woke up, wiped the crust out of my eyes, and saw that it was already 10:30. 10:30? Really? Could my phone have possibly changed itself to Nova Scotia time over night? I was confused.
And with only two hours until kickoff of the Vikings-Cowboys game, I had a tough choice. I really wanted to go to the gym. But I really needed a winter coat. You know, since I live in New England, and it’s January.
Begrudgingly, I decided to go coat shopping (Ok, that’s a lie, it wasn’t begrudgingly. Quite frankly, I’m always looking for an excuse to skip the gym. As a matter of fact, after I write this article, I think I’m going to go give my dog a bath. Yeh that sounds good, a bath…).
When I finally rolled out of bed and drove over to Men’s Wearhouse, I was met by the usual cast of overzealous, underappreciated, “I work for commission,” sales staff, all there to help me find the coat of my dreams. Or at least something better than the formerly white, now yellowish-whiteish-brownish hoodie I’d been wearing all winter.
As I browsed the racks, and my salesman helped me, we made all the casual small talk. And of course eventually he asked the inevitable, “So what do you do for work?”
Now given the situation I wanted to lie. Not lie so much as just avoid further conversation. It was nothing personal, just that having been up for a half an hour, and without any coffee, it could have been Jessica Biel selling me this coat and I wouldn’t have wanted to chit-chat.
And if I had made up some lie, like, “Well, I work at an animal hospital, mostly euthanizing dogs and cats,” the conversation would have ended right there. But again, begrudgingly, for the sake of the cats, I told the truth.
“Well, I’m an internet sports writer, blogger, journalist. Whatever.”
Without missing a beat, he responded, “Who do you like in the games today?”
Pause…
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I’m much more comfortable talking college football than I am the NFL. Not that I don’t enjoy the NFL, just that I don’t follow it with a fine-tooth comb like I do college ball.
Which left me with another choice: Again, I could either tell him the truth- that I’m much more of a college fan, and didn’t feel entirely comfortable giving out advice on the games- or, in this case I could stretch the truth, puff out my chest, clear my throat, and start talking NFL like I was Ron Jaworski.
I think anyone who knows me knows exactly what I did…
“Well, I may be the only person on the planet that likes the Vikings…Besides Brett Favre’s wife that is.”
My salesman immediately burst out laughing, like we were at the Apollo Theater or something. Sure it was his artificial “Maybe if I laugh hard enough at this guy’s awful jokes I can get this un-funny cheap skate to splurge on something,” laugh, but whatever, I took it and ran with it…
“As for the Jets game, I don’t know if they can win, but I sure do like them to cover.”
After that, it was smooth sailing for me and Todd the salesman, who apparently thought I was Chris Rock or something with my clever little jokes. We talked a little more football and gambling, and I eventually found a nice charcoal coat to my liking, one that put my white hoodie in the closet once and for all.
I went on my way, and didn’t think anything of our conversation. Well at least not until eight hours later, when the Jets had put the Chargers out of their misery once and for all.
And that’s when it hit me. No, not that the Jets were going to the AFC Championship Game, I still can’t believe that. But that I had totally sold Todd, my coat salesman, a bogus bag of goods.
He asked me for my opinion on the games that day, and I pulled two stone, cold winners right out, well, you know where. Sure, maybe they weren't winners in the traditional sense, but winners for gambling purposes. Which ultimately is all most guys really care about.
Spurred on by that success, I’ve decided to do something I’ve never done before: Forecast this weekend’s NFL games.
Maybe I’ll hit like last week, and maybe I won’t. But I figure what the heck, there might be another coat salesman, CVS clerk or struggling porn actor out there looking for some advice. So if I helped once, why not try again?
As for the picks, just like when I make my college predictions, home teams are in CAPS, and the point spreads are provided by our friends at BetUS.com.
Enjoy!
Jets (+7.5) over COLTS: Sunday, 3:00 p.m.
J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets! I’ve got to admit that having grown up without an NFL team, I’m pretty close to jumping on the Jets bandwagon. Although technically, I might have officially done that about five months ago, when I wrote this about Rex Ryan.
And as we enter this week’s improbable AFC Championship Game, there are so many storylines that everyone is talking about: The  Colts benching their starters in Week 16; Peyton Manning going for his second Super Bowl title; Darrelle Revis as the best cornerback in the league; the fact that Dwight Freeney grew up in the town right next to yours truly. Honestly, how is CBS supposed to possibly fit all these storylines into one 3 ½ hour telecast?
But here’s the thing though. As we inch closer to this game, I hear all those things being talked about. But this is what I’m not hearing: The fact that Indy’s offense really didn’t look all that good last week against the Ravens. Like, at all.
I know that the Colts starters hadn’t played together in close to a month. I get that. But still, look at the stats from last Saturday’s game: Indy had only 275 yards of total offense compared to 270 from Baltimore, yet they ran 16 more plays. They had just 43 yards of rushing offense. And don’t forget that with the score 17-3 early in the third quarter, Ed Reed picked off one of Manning’s passes, and returned it 38 yards to the Indy 27, before somehow, inexplicably, Pierre Garcon chased him down, stripped the ball, and Indy recovered.
Sure, it was a great play from Garcon, don’t get me wrong.
But say Reed had just run the ball out of bounds rather than trying to pick up those few extra yards. Baltimore was already in field goal range. So instead of a 17-3 game, you’re looking at worst a 17-6, and potentially a 17-10 game with a full quarter still to play. Instead Indy recovered, and used 14 more plays, and a lot more time, to march down the field to kick a field goal. All of a sudden it was 20-6 and the game was over.
As for this game, we all know the Jets defense is good, maybe overall a better unit than the Ravens. If you don’t believe me, just ask Rex Ryan. Or Kerry Rhoades. Or Bart Scott. Or… Never mind, let’s just keep going.
As for the Jets offense, well, we’ll never mistake them for the 2007 Patriots. I get that too. But here’s my question: At this point, from what we’ve seen, is Mark Sanchez that much worse than Joe Flacco? Because I don’t think he is. Are Shonn Greene and Thomas Jones a major step down from Ray Rice either?
My point? Better Jets defense + equal quarterback play and running game, against the same Colts team from last week? Give me the Jets and the points.
One final thought on this game, and it’s really going to get under the skin of Colts fans. Let me preface it by saying that again, I am an NFL atheist; I have no favorite team. And although I live in Connecticut, I am most definitely not a Patriots fan. I despise Bill Belichick like my dog does the mailman. Only worse.
With that being said, all the talk this year was on the Colts pursuit for perfection, and how they blew that chance against the Jets earlier. I think you’ve probably heard that little angle by now.
But as good as the Colts were, and as good as they’ve been for a decade, did they ever feel like a historically great team this season? Because to me they didn’t.
Maybe it was because the Saints stayed undefeated with them for as long as they did, I don’t know. But this Colts team didn’t have that overwhelming aura of invincibility permeating from them like the 2007 Patriots did. Every Patriots game split the nation, the Big Bad boys from New England running up the score on the helpless Jets, and Dolphins and whoever else. Along the way, everybody either loved or hated the Pats. There was no middle ground.
This Colts team? They were really good, maybe even great. But were they “Water cooler, love them or hate them, everyone has an opinion on them,” great? I don’t think so.
Look at their games. They won some by scores of 27-23, 18-14, 20-17, 35-34, 17-15 and 35-31. That’s six games, 40 percent where they played their starters the entire game, that were won by less than a touchdown.
Just because the Colts didn’t lose a game all year when their starters played doesn’t mean they’re unbeatable. Quite frankly they are. And it will happen on Sunday.
Say it with me now, J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, JETS!!!!
Aaron’s Pick: Jets 16 Colts 13
Vikings (+4.5) over Saints: Sunday, 6:40 p.m.
My thoughts on this game are a lot more succinct. Which is nice, since you probably either stopped reading awhile ago, or developed an eye twitch somewhere within the last 1000 words.
Anyway, what I love about football (not just the pro game, but college too), is that because teams only play once a week, we rush to all kinds of crazy judgments on them. It’s not our fault, it’s just that again, these guys only play once a week. We’ve really got nothing better to do.
 We sit down on Sunday’s (or Saturday’s) to watch our team, then when the game is over we sit and stew, think about every failed third down conversion, botched handoff, etc. and come to a definitive conclusion about our team. Then we think about things some more, talk to our friends, read some articles in the newspaper, everything to further our opinions on our team.
Then our team comes out on Sunday’s, plays well or doesn’t, and the cycle starts all over again. One week the Jets are the worst team in football and lucky to be in the playoffs. The next week schmucks like me are picking them to go to the Super Bowl. That’s just how we work as sports fans. It’s like dating a bi-polar girl, only with less tears and thrown vases.
So what does that have to do with this game?
Well, we went into the season talking about the Vikings having the best run defense in the NFL. We talked about Kevin and Pat Williams more than the Williams sisters, and made Jared Allen out to be a modern day Bruce Smith, you know, if Bruce Smith had Michael Bolton’s hair and Carrot Top’s wit.
Through 11 weeks, the Vikings backed up what we thought we knew, and they were 10-1. Then they finished 2-3, and we went into full-fledged “fan,” mode: These guys are awful, disgusting, embarrassing. Whatever.
But here’s the thing, as the year goes on, guys get banged up, miss practice, and sit out games. Nobody is as good in Week 17 as they are in Week 2. That’s just how the NFL works. Yet we always seem to forget that.
And with that, that’s why I like the Vikings. As good as the Saints were last week, the Cardinals pass rush was so bad that they made the New Orleans offensive line look like a bunch of goons from the scene of a poorly shot football movie. It isn’t going to be that easy Sunday against the Vikings defensive line.
Look, I like the Saints, and I love Drew Brees. But as much as I love him, and Jeremy Shockey, and Kim Kardashi…umm, I mean Reggie Bush, we aren’t going to see them in Miami.
I’m calling for an apocalypse and I’m calling for it loud and clear, Brett Favre and the Jets in the Super Bowl.
Say it ain’t so…
Vikings 24 Saints 20
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One final note: On Wednesday while working with a website called HoopsAddict.com, I was privileged to sit down with Sports Illustrated writer and CBS Sports college basketball analyst Seth Davis for an interview. We talked about the college game, as well as his work with CokeZero, and how you can get involved to help Earthquake victims in Haiti.
If you’re at all interested in helping out, or just listening to the interview, please click here.
Thanks!
(Whether you loved the article or hated it, let Aaron know by commenting below, or e-mailing him at
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
. Also, to get his thoughts on all things sports, make sure to follow him on Twitter at Twitter.com/Aaron_Torres)
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I, personally would like to see the Colts and Saints get to the Super Bowl because they were the teams to beat this season but I think the Jets and Vikings present some very real problems for their respective opponents. At the very least, it should be a great day of football.