| 26 October 2009
Baseball’s not a perfect sport, we all know that.
The games start too late. They run too long. Tragically, Steve Phillips is no longer around to analyze (He’s innocent I tell ya!). And because of rain, snow, sleet, meteor showers and aurora borealis, this postseason- which seems like it started 11 weeks ago- might not end until sometime around Christmas Eve.
But come on this is baseball. It’s America’s pastime. And it’s time for the World Series.
Whether its incredible athletes (ok incredible might be a little strong), beautiful girlfriends or just baseball you like, there's something for everybody in this World Series. So while you shouldn't need a reason to tune in, I'll give you a few anyways.
As a matter of fact, here are 13:13. Alex Rodriguez, Clutch Hitter:
It’s really only right that the 13th reason on this list be old No. 13 himself.
Look, we all know why not to like Alex Rodriguez: He’s a known cheater. His salary is larger then the GDP of Tanzania. That whole Madonna thing was really, really weird. But I’m going to let you in on a dirty little secret, I’m kind of rooting for him. I have been for awhile now.
This guy is the best player in the game. And the way that our grandparents talk about seeing Willie Mays in person, is how we should be appreciating Alex Rodriguez. But because of all the aforementioned stuff, his approval rating has always hovered just slightly ahead of George W. Bush's.
But here’s the crazy thing, since he’s gotten to New York, the guy’s won two MVP awards. He’s had at least 30 home runs and 100 RBI every season, including this past summer when he limped around the whole month of April like Joe Paterno on a surgically repaired hip. And yet up until a few weeks ago, we talked about him like he didn't even belong on the playoff roster, let alone starting at third base.
Sure in past years A-Rod hasn’t always been the most clutch player. But it’s also not his fault that since he’s gotten to New York, their best pitchers have been a bona-fide No. 2 starter (Chien-Ming Wang) and a good but not great Mike Mussina. You win in October with great pitching, and let me ask you, would you want Wang or Mussina pitching deciding games for your team in the playoffs? Me neither.
Luckily for whatever reason this year, the heat’s off of A-Rod. He’s got protection in the lineup. He’s got big arms at the front of the pitching rotation. And he’s decided that he doesn’t need to be Alex Rodriguez media mogul and international superstar, but just Alex Rodriguez the baseball player.
Most importantly, he’s doing everything that you’d ever want a guy on your team to do. He’s high-fiving everybody but Tim McCarver. He’s playing through pain. He’s getting big hits when his team needs them the most.
So root against Alex Rodriguez if you'd like. Hold grudges if you must. But I’m happy for the guy. I never thought I’d say this, but even for a guy making $27 million a year, he just needed a break.
Is it possible that A-Rod is actually…likeable this October??
12. Jayson Werth:
Quite honestly, I don’t know much about this guy. As a matter of fact, there are Saudi Arabian oil sheiks that I’ve been paying closer attention to lately.
But looking at Werth, doesn’t he just seem like a guy you’d want to go out with after a game and grab a beer? At the very least, I feel like he’d be “that guy,” at the strip club that makes the whole experience 1000 times better. You know, the one who disappears approximately 90 seconds after you get into the place, blows $150 bucks in the champagne room with a girl named “Peaches,” and still leaves smiling and saying stuff like “That was awesome,” and “Best 150 bucks I ever spent!”
Plus, when I went to a Phillies-Mets game earlier this year and the New York crowd burst into a “Jay-son Werth-less,” chant, not only did he laugh it off, Werth also made several sexually derogatory gestures to the crowd behind his glove. It was just inappropriate enough to get an even bigger roar, but done just quickly enough where the cameras didn't catch it. You really had to be there to appreciate it.
And needless to say, I’ve been a fan ever since.
11. The Continued Torture of Mets Fans:
Speaking of Mets fans, at this point you’ve got to feel pretty bad for them. The last two years ended with awful late season collapses. This year’s team was so banged up that Ruben Sierra, Nook Logan, Roger Dorn and Moonlight Graham were starters at various points. And now their two biggest rivals are squaring off to decide a World Championship.
As my friend Finn, one of the biggest Mets fans I know, texted me on Sunday night, “All I can hope for at this point is a bench clearing brawl with A-Rod and Ryan Howard both suffering career ending injuries.”
I think that just about says it all.
10. Nick Swisher’s Locker Room Hi-jinks:
I could probably take a vacation to Aruba right now if I had a dollar for every, “Nick Swisher really keeps the locker room loose,” feature story I read this year. The way the New York media describes this guy, he’s some weird cross between Chris Rock, Stifler and Bill “The Spaceman,” Lee. He even sported a Mohawk for Game 6 of the ALCS.
But here’s the thing, after reading the 85,000th “Nick Swisher is soooo funny,” column this summer, I realized something: Nobody’s ever explained exactly what he does. And I think I speak for everyone when I say I want some answers.
Does he put mayonnaise in Mark Teixeira’s batting gloves? Does he do funny Joba Chamberlain fist-pumping impressions when the big guy isn’t around? Shrink C.C. Sabathia’s game pants in the dryer? Send text's to Minka Kelly from A-Rod's phone?
Someone's got to have an explanation for this, and I want some answers!
9. Charlie Manuel’s Press Conferences:
Over the summer I was reading Sports Illustrated when I came across a mind-boggling statistic. Of every player, manager and coach in Major League Baseball this season (over 1000 individuals), only 22 of them have degrees from four year colleges. Twenty-two! And while it is a startling statistic I know, it makes a lot more sense when you hear a guy like Charlie Manuel open his mouth.
While Joe Girardi is intelligent and articulate, Manuel is an old-school baseball guy in every sense of the word.
And speaking of words, they’re not Manuel’s strong suit. There are New York City cab drivers who have a better understanding of the English language. Listening to a Manuel press conference is like watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Only in this case you might actually laugh.
Of course, none of that matters, since he’s gone 18-5 in the last two postseason’s. Maybe most importantly, his players love him. Even if they can't understand a word he's saying.
8. Because More Than One Girl Has Told Me I Look Like Mark Teixeira:
Alright, so that’s not a reason for you to get excited. But from what I can gauge, it’s not a bad thing for me either.
And besides, whenever a girl makes the comparison, it also allows me to make bad jokes, like: “Well if you saw me swing a bat, you literally couldn’t tell the difference.”
Ok that joke was reeeeeally bad (like this whole column). Let's just move on.
7. A.J. Burnett’s Shaving Cream Pie In The Face Routine:
No seriously it’s funny! Isn’t it?
Come on, it's shaving cream! It's funny!
6. Cole Hamels Wife:
Sure Kate Hudson is getting all the publicity as the hottie du-jour of this World Series, but more love needs to go to our good friend Heidi Hamels.
Not only is she gorgeous. Not only is she a former contestant on Survivor. But she also had the underrated quote of 2009 when in February, she said in a Sports Illustrated interview:
“We're in the process of adopting an AIDS orphan from Ethiopia. Maybe two. I'm so pumped. I'd adopt six if I could. When I was five years old-I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person-they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I've always wanted this."
No seriously, she actually said that.
Needless to say it’s going to be a funny couple with week’s with Heidi. Take that Kate Hudson!
5. Random Rudy Guliani Sightings:
I know, I know, this guy was absolutely unflappable after 9/11. He was incredible, he really was. But where is it written that because of it, he gets immunity to attend Yankees games every day for the rest of his life?
At this point, Guliani is like the guy who shows up at high school parties even though he graduated three years ago. I can just see the girls in the corner saying, What’s he doing here?
Rudy, we love you, we really do, but you left office like five years ago. Don’t you have a Presidential campaign to work on or something?
4. Pedro’s Triumphant Return To The Bronx:
Ok it’s not really triumphant considering that he played on the Mets for awhile, and made a few starts at Yankee Stadium over that time (At least I think that happened, quite honestly I’m too lazy to look it up). And even if he does pitch, there’s a chance it’s not until the Phillies go back to Philadelphia for Game 3.
And on top of everything, this isn’t the same fiery Pedro that we all remember from the early part of this decade. The guy who threw at people to protect the inside of the plate or the one who tossed Don Zimmer around like a bowling ball in the 2003 ALCS. This is a kinder, gentler Pedro. Like a parent whose kids have moved out of the house after college, he's all smiles, just happy to be out of the house on a sunny fall day.
But still, it’s Pedro!
This guy was the premiere (and basically only) Yankee killer of an entire generation. A guy who once threw a complete game one-hitter (with 17 strikeouts) at the old Yankee Stadium.
And of course, he’s also the guy who once infamously said:
“I don’t believe in no damn curses. Why don’t you wake up the Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I’ll drill him in the ass.”
Of course, as every Red Sox fan knows, Pedro went on the disabled list approximately 11 seconds after that quote, and was never really the same pitcher the rest of his career.
But still it's Pedro! Wouldn’t it be awesome if he had one, vintage “turn back the clock,” game and was old Pedro again? Maybe seven innings, four hits, one earned run and a bunch of stare downs and finger wags? Is that too much to ask?
Wishful thinking I know, but Pedro and the Yankees will always be a match made in heaven. Speaking of heaven, somebody wake up the Bambino, he’d want to see this one.
3. Joe Girardi’s Great Binder of Mystery:
Not since Cartman got a Dawson’s Creek trapper keeper in Season 4 of South Park, has a binder carried such enigma.
In Game 3 of the ALCS, the binder came under great scrutiny, after it told Girardi to take out Dave Robertson and bring in a struggling Alfredo Aceves to face Jeff Mathis. Sure Aceves was 10-1 with a 3.54 ERA during the regular season, but none of it mattered when Mathis got the game winning hit and Girardi came under great scrutiny.
However as the series went on, the binder was vindicated. Girardi more-or-less skipped his bullpen all together in Game 6 against the Angels, and let Mariano Rivera pitch the 8th and 9th innings in the deciding game. And now the Yankees are in the World Series.
Of course after advancing, the question now becomes, what will the binder tell Girardi to do next? Pinch hit Freddy Guzman for Teixeira? Add Don Mattingly to the World Series roster?
Tune in Wednesday to find out.
2. The Phillies Bullpen:
Maybe the hardest part about rooting for the Angels in the ALCS was that once Mike Scioscia pulled his starting pitcher, there wasn’t a single guy out of the bullpen that you had confidence could take the ball and get people out.
Seriously, if you were a Yankees fan who were you afraid of?
Brian Fuentes couldn’t break Ken Griffey Jr.’s wrist (what too soon?), let alone a pane of glass, with his fastball.
Whenever Kevin Jepson came into a big spot, he always seemed to have a nervous look to him, like a kid afraid to show his parents a bad report card.
And Darren Oliver? Look, the guy was better then I thought he’d be. But here’s a little known fact about Darren Oliver: If Jackie Robinson hadn’t broken Major League Baseball’s color barrier in 1947, the Dodgers were thinking about signing Darren Oliver next.
And while the Phillies bullpen came under scrutiny coming into the playoffs, they’ve been lights out through two rounds. I'll take J.A. Happ, Ryan Madson and Brad Lidge over Fuentes, Jepson and Oliver any day. At least with them there’s a chance that we see a brush back fastball or a shattered bat.
Of course there’s also a chance that the Phillies activate Jaime Moyer for the World Series, making the entire last paragraph completely void. As a matter of fact, if that happens, let’s pretend this conversation never happened, ok?
1. Vindication For One Franchise:
Both of these teams need this World Championship, but for completely different reasons.
For Philadelphia, they are the defending World Champions. But they also beat the Tampa Bay Rays last October to clinch the title. Sure the Rays are in the AL East, but beating them is like bragging about marrying a Kardashian, only it's Khloe not Kim or Kourtney. Beating the Rays just isn't the same as beating the Red Sox or Yankees.
Does it really matter? No, they’re still the defending champions. But every single Phillies fan I’ve talked to wanted the Yankees this October. Not the Angels. Not the Tigers or Twins. There’s just a different cache when it’s Boston or New York.
As for the Yankees, they’re aspirations are a little more clear cut.
They were the dominant team of the 1990’s and thought for sure they’d carry the same title in this decade. But since their last championship in 2000, the Diamondbacks have won a World Series. So have the Marlins. And those guys up in Boston have won two, which obviously burns New Yorkers pretty bad.
Seriously, let me give you a little perspective on how long ago the year 2000 was. LeBron James was a high school sophomore. Mark Teixeira was at Georgia Tech. And Remember the Titans was a top 20 grossing movie that year. Again, here’s some perspective, Remember the Titans was also the last video I ever bought on VHS. That’s a long time ago.
Moreover, look at this roster. A-Rod has never played in a World Series. Neither has Tex or Sabathia. Heck, Hideki Matsui has played in a grand total of one World Series, and it seems like he’s been in New York for 30 years.
It’s been a long time, and it’s something these Yankees have been waiting for.
It’ll be a tougher series then most expect, but I hate to admit, the Yankees are going to win. They have the better personnel by a slight margin. They have home field advantage. They’re hungrier (although I’m not really sure that’s fair when you have C.C. Sabathia on the roster).
Starting spreading the news… Yankees in six.
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