| 04 July 2010
It's July 4th. A day to be thankful for our freedoms. A day to be thankful for our independence. A day to sit on the beach, drink cold beer, get your burn on, and oogle girls who may or may not be of legal age.So while we'll get back to sports bigger issues later in the week, it's time to just sit back, relax and appreciate everything. Including sports.
Come to think of it, here are a few reasons why I love them.
NBA Free Agent Signings: No, no, no. No more talk about LeBron, D Wade or Bosh. Promise. Besides, those dudes are boring anyway.
What I’m talking about here, are the other signings. You know the ones. The head-scratching, stomach-turning, GM-sure-to-be-fired-within-two-years, free agent acquisitions that make us stop what we’re doing and think, “Wait, did I just read that right?”
My personal favorite from 2010 belongs to the Milwaukee Bucks, a team which seemed to be on the upswing after a surprising playoff appearance this spring, the emergence of Brandon Jennings as one of the elite young point guards in the league, and a draft in which they got four quality guys in the second round.
So how did the Bucks celebrate their most successful calendar year in almost a decade, you ask? By going out, and giving five years and $32 million to Drew Gooden, that’s how! All I can say is, "The NBA: Where Chronic Mismanagement Happens!"
For those of you scoring at home, yes, that’d be the same Drew Gooden who has played for eight teams in his eight NBA seasons. The same Drew Gooden with a career scoring average of under 12 points a game, and who put up his best numbers ever just a few months before this impending free agency. The same Drew Gooden who takes the court most nights with the same intensity as teenager making minimum wage, working the McDonalds Drive-Thru. That Drew Gooden.
When we see Milwaukee GM John Hammond in the unemployment line right around this time in 2013, don’t say you weren’t warned.
Ryo Ishikawa: Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a big golf fan. Unless it’s a major, the Ryder Cup or a televised Tiger Woods divorce hearing, you have as much a chance of seeing me watch golf as you do of your grandma asking to borrow your Entourage DVD’s. In other words, it probably ain't happening.
But the 18-year-old Ishikawa may draw me back in. Not only does he have all the tools, not only did he a shoot a freakin’ 58 earlier this year, but he’s got the flair to back it all up. And when I say flair, I’m not talking about anything he does on the course.
Because anyone who knows anything about Ishikawa knows this: Forget the putting, driving and mid-range game, the best thing about the Japanese teenager has nothing to do with golf. It’s wondering which goofy, over the top, “Oh no he didn’t,” outfit he’ll wear next. Honestly, we haven’t seen clothing choices this poor since Derek Zoolander was building a school for “Kids Who Can’t Read Good.”
My personal favorite Ishikawa moment came at this year’s U.S. Open, when he took the first tee in the first round wearing…you guessed it… a pink, velour jump suit. Apparently his neon green sweater vest and purple and orange striped khakis were at the dry cleaners.
While some people wonder about Ishikawa’s questionable clothing choices, I look it at another way. It takes big-time balls to look Tiger, Phil and Ernie in the eye on the last final day at Augusta National or Pebble Beach, and at the very least we know Ishikawa has those. Because honestly, would you step out of your house wearing a pink, velour, jump suit ever? Unless you were a rapper, 92-years-old or Jennifer Lopez, I can't think of one social situation where that kind of attire is acceptable.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to run, Ishikawa is teeing off in five minutes. I heard the green sweater vest is back from the cleaners.
The SI Vault: The day of any sports fan isn't complete without taking at least an hour out of your life, procrastinating, and heading over to the SI Vault. Go ahead, take a break from this article. I’ll wait. Seriously.
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Because honestly, if it weren’t for the SI Vault, where would you find pictures like this? Or this. Or even, dare I say, this?
Coach K’s Hair: Look, there are plenty of reasons to hate Coach K, and by now you probably know them most of them: His rat-like facial features; The fact that he’s given credit for the successes of the 2008 “Redeem Team,”; His wife Mickey; All those times he pulls a player in for a hug, and holds on just a second too long; Brian Zoubek.
But here’s one reason to like Coach K: That jet-black hair.
Honestly, it’s one of life’s great mysteries, right along with the Bermuda Triangle, the Loch Ness Monster, and why would anyone ever watch the Big Bang
Theory. How does Coach K keep that hair so damn black?Think about it: Jim Boeheim’s bald. Roy Williams’ hair is whiter than an Alaskan Christmas. All of Coach K’s other contemporaries are either retired, in a nursing home or dead. Yet there he is each fall, pacing the sidelines in his ugly JC Penney blazer, hair reflecting off the eyes of his newest, floor-slapping, 3-point shooting, freshman recruit.
Now that we’ve cleaned up steroids in baseball, any chance George Mitchell can investigate this?
The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest: You know, since it’s July 4th Weekend and all.
(Wait a second, why is the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on this list? I hate everything about it.
Not only is it disgusting to watch sweaty dudes dip their dogs and buns into water then swallow them whole like a starving dog, but its example No. 4121 of why America has an obesity epidemic. Ooo, let's put a bunch of fat guys on a podium together, watch them stuff their faces with processed meat, and hope they don't regurgitate on themselves on national TV. Nothing says American freedom like that!
Plus did you hear the Japanese guy Takeru Kobayashi held out of this year’s tournament for more money? No honestly. That actually happened.
All I can say to Kobayashi is this: Dude, you eat hot dogs for a living. You’re relevant for one day a year, otherwise, we really couldn’t care less about you. So shut up, take some bowel cleanser and show up in Coney Island. Otherwise, just stay out of our lives for good. You need us. We don’t need you. Seriously.
Alright, I’m getting off on a tangent here. Let’s back to reasons I like sports before I dampen everyone’s holiday weekend.)
Mike and Mike in the Morning: I never used to be a huge fan of the show. Sure I liked the guys, but always thought they talked a little too much football, and not enough everything else.
Then a funny thing happened. These last few weeks, with the World Cup and Wimbledon on in the early morning hours, I realized how engrained these two are in my early morning ritual. Coffee doesn’t taste the same and the air doesn’t seem as fresh when I don’t get hear Greeny and Golic bickering like an old married couple while I eat my Cheerios.
With Wimbledon officially over Sunday, I’m happy to say come Monday, I’ll have the guys back as part of my regular morning routine. And not a second too soon.
Lane Kiffin: Trust me, I understand why people hate him. He’s cocky. He’s snarly. He’s handed cushy jobs the way 16-year-old trust fund babies are handed the keys to a new Ferrari. Plus, let’s be real here, his wife Layla is hotter than any piece of ass you’re ever going to pull.
But at the same time, you can’t deny that the SEC and college football were both infinitely more entertaining with him in them last year.
And he came up with the quote of 2010 so far, when on the Jim Rome Radio Show he was asked to comment about his relationship with Florida coach Urban Meyer. Kiffin’s response? “Sorry, Jim, but I gave up making fun of Urban Meyer for Lent.”
Come on admit it, that made you smile a little. Didn’t it?
Adam Schefter: Not only does this man break more stories than Woodward and Bernstein combined. Not only do I feel a weird, emotional attachment to Schefer after spending more time with him from August to February than I do my own family. Not only is “Schefty,” better at his job than I’ll ever be at anything. But now this…
The other day, while browsing on Twitter, I saw that Schefter had mentioned something off-hand about Chris Bosh and NBA Free Agency. I casually joked, “Man is there a story this guy doesn’t break?” then moved on with my day, and didn’t think twice about it.
Well, an hour later, I signed back into Twitter, and lo and behold, I had a private message from Schefter. It read: “Thanks for the kind words- appreciate them. Have a great holiday weekend. Cheers!”
Honestly, how do you respond to something like that? A guy, going out of his way to do such a nice thing, for no reason other than that he’s a really nice guy. I almost didn’t want to share that story with you all, if only because I feel like he’d be embarrassed that I told it.
But I had to.
While we’re on the subject, thanks to you too Adam. Thanks for taking a minute out of your day to reply to me. And thanks for the kind regards.
And since I can’t say it better than Adam myself, I’ll just repeat what he said. Hope you’re all having a great holiday weekend!
(Why do you love sports??? Let Aaron know by commenting below, or e-mailing him at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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