| 25 August 2010
I've got a little secret to confess: I actually like the show Entourage.
Call me crazy. It's ok, sometimes I think I am. Especially after gritting my teeth through another unbearable episode every Sunday night. The show has become a car crashed mixed with one of those really bad American Idol audtions, painful on your eyes and ears, but you just...can't...look...away.
This season has been no different.
Eric has officially turned into Billy Walsh's prophecy: A walking, talking "suit," working for the man, and sipping chardonnay with his fiancee, all while they plan their wedding (Good times. I just hope he turned his penis in to the proper authorities). Turtle's turned every episode into a Dos Equis commercial, and pushed tequila on the American consumer the way a 30-year-old, first time mom pushes pictures of her newborn on unsuspecting friends. And Drama? Well that dude is just pushing 50.
Finally there's Vince, who has slowly but surely become less likeable than Brett Favre throwing football's to high school kids in Mississippi. Which is no small feat. He's dating a porn star, doing drugs and throwing his life away. There may not be a less likeable character on TV.
But as I watched this weekend's past episode, I couldn't help but notice something. How the alcohol/drug/womanizing downfall that Vince is in the middle of, looks eerily familiar. Then I realized where I'd seen it before: This past year with Tiger Woods. A guy who just so happens to be back in the news after finalizing his divorce with Elin on Monday.
After catching a replay of Entourage again last night (again, I don't know why I watched, I guess I'm a masochist) I really started to wonder, who's had a worse year, Tiger Woods or Vinnie Chase?
Let's investigate.
(Follow Aaron on Twitter @Aaron_Torres)
The Beginnings-
Tiger: I've never believed in the mantra of, "You'll always remember where you were and who you were with, when XYZ happened," but when it comes to Tiger's free-fall, I actually do. I was on my couch, the day after Thanksgiving last fall, when CBS cut away from the Auburn-Alabama football game for a breaking news story. That story of course was that Woods- the world's most dominant athlete- had been in accident leaving his house at 2:25 in the morning.
Being in the post-holiday, catatonic state I was in, all I could think was, "Hmm, I hope he's ok...Now can we please get back to some football!!" It never even crossed my mind that it was kind of weird that Woods would be speeding out of his driveway at 2:25 in the morning the night after a holiday. Maybe I should have picked up on that, but what can I say. I never claimed to be smart.
Anyway, fast-forward a few days, and the story started to gain layers: That Tiger's wife smashed out the windows of his car with a golf club; that despite bleeding and having a swollen lip, Woods was sound asleep in the street without shoes on when the cops showed up; and that oh, by the way, that Tiger appeared to have more young women's phone numbers in his blackberry than Jennifer Lopez in The Wedding Planner.
Personally, I found the whole thing a little weird at the time, mainly because Tiger didn't seem like the type that would go out and actually socialize with people. It wasn't so much that he couldn't be a cheater, just the notion of him hitting on girls was actually kind of funny to think about. I even wrote the following in early December:
"For Woods to cheat on his wife, it means, that he has to go out, and, you know, be sociable and stuff. Honestly, if I saw Tiger out at a bar, my first thought wouldn’t be, “Oh My God, that’s Tiger Woods,” but “Oh My God, Tiger Woods goes to bars?” It’s like seeing your aunt have one too many glasses of champagne on New Year’s Eve, who knew Aunt Helen drank?
Personally I’ve always pictured Tiger being about as anti-social off the course as he is on it.
After his round, I saw him sitting in his hotel room in flannel pajama pants, eating pudding, and fuming about the bunker that he hit on the 11th hole, throwing his spoon across the room after thinking about it for too long.
Then he’d hit the lights at 9:30, toss and turn all night, and eventually roll himself out of bed and hit the driving range two hours before the rest of his competitors the next morning. That’s the overly competitive, never satisfied Woods that we all know. Not some weirdo with a Grey Goose and tonic hitting on some chick named Monique with bicep tattoos."
Apparently I was wrong.
Vinnie: For Vinnie Chase, the beginnings of his downfall were much more innocent.
He was out in California with his boys, partying, meeting girls and occasionally flying off to Hawaii or Vegas on a whim. Basically, the guy was living the life that almost every man wants, but doesn't have the resources, looks or intelligence to actually pull of.
Over time, Vince's easy-breezy attitude rubbed some people the wrong way, but he never really did anything to put his career in jeopardy. He was the quintessential super good looking guy, always able to talk his way into and out of trouble.
In a weird turn of events, Vinnie's downward spiral actually began while he was working (which is weird since he never actually seems to do anything).
Vinnie was on the set of a movie, and the director asked him to start doing his own stunts, and drive head-on into a wall. Hesitant, Vinnie finally gave, smashing like 
a crash dummy into the wall. He emerged from the wreck shaken, a little bruised and literally on fire, but no worse for the wear.
Maybe the crash shook his brain a little, I don't know, but after the incident, Vinnie took the "Live like it's your last day," mantra a little too seriously. Rather than doing like you or I might and converting to Buddhism or back-packing through Europe, Vinnie took the opposite approach. He bought a motorcyle, jumped out of an airplane, and cut those long blacks locks off the top of his head. You know, the ones that made all the ladies swoon.
And when it came to his downfall, well it was officially on.
The Women-
Tiger: Tiger's downfall began when women started emerging by the foursome, all with stories of their dalliances with Woods. Over time, each became more disturbing, distgusting and intriguing than the last.
There was Rachel Uchitel the nightclub promoter that got the whole thing rolling. And Jamie Grubbs the cocktail waitress. And Jamie Jungers the model from Las Vegas. Then the porn stars came out. Then the former porn stars came out. Then his former next-door neighbor came out. They might not all have been telling the truth, but clearly enough were where Tiger had a problem, and we had the most interesting celebrity story of 2010.
(On a side note, this is also reason No. 2,147 why I'm never getting married: The idea that (by my calculations), there's about a 60 percent chance that my future wife may have had an intimate encounter with Woods. And if not him, probably Antonio Cromartie.
Forget Vinnie. I think I'm going to convert to Buddhism).
Vinnie: Vinnie's problems with women were basically the exact opposite of Tiger's. The more he had, the better off he was.
For years the guy owned Hollywood and seemingly had a new girl for every day of the calendar year. Quite frankly, I wouldn't even be surprised if US Weekly reported sometime next week that he and Tiger crossed swords at some point during an especially sloppy weekend in Vegas.
All along, Turtle claimed that Vinnie wasn't the type to settle down, only that's exactly what happened when Vinnie met real life porn star Sasha Grey (playing herself on the show). If we've learned one thing from Tiger and Vince these last few months, it's that dating a porn star is nothing but trouble! Who knew?
Anyway, the Chase-Grey courtship has really been no different than how you and I first started out with our wives/girlfriends. They drink tequila by the pool during the day, pop vicodine at night, and post lurid videos on Twitter in between. Again, just your typical, run of the mill stuff.
The first sign that Vinnie wasn't thinking clearly though, came when he took Grey with him to meet the Director of his upcoming movie. It led to an awkward silence not only in the meeting, but assuredly when the Director sat down at the dinner table with his wife that night. It didn't help that Vinny came to the meeting reeking of tequila.
Needless to say, the guy was officially in over his head. And a downward spiral had begun.
The Drugs-
Tiger: Woods hasn't quite had the bad run with drugs that Chase has (more on that coming), but he did have his dust up's.
Most of them came when Mistress No. 1 Uchitel (Or was she Mistress No. 2? Or 22? I can't remember!), claimed that Tiger loved having sex on Ambien, because the drug "put him in a haze" (I'm sure that little nugget of information put an extra pep in the step of his sponsors, who must have been mortified when that news broke. Then again, who knows, maybe Ambien needs a spokesman?). Tiger also had to battle more rumors after a Canadian doctor he had been affiliated with, was arrested with performance-enhancing drugs on him.
Not good.
Vinnie: Look, we all know that Vinnie is a modern day Cheech...and Chong. The dude loves his herb.
But to the best of our knowledge, he'd never dabbled in the hard stuff. Well at least until he started hanging out with Grey and his new agent Scotty Lavin, who got him started on cocaine. In the latest episode Vinnie was even trying to score some off of Lavin in the middle of the day. Again, not good.
To make matters worse, after using coke one night, Vinnie showed up to a studio meeting more fidgity than a four-year-old waiting in line for the bathroom at an amusment park. He might not have been high at the time, but let's just say he wasn't putting his best foot forward. Obviously, this little sequence put the fear of God into the studio heads, considering, you know, that they had a lot of money invested in the movie.
This all led to...
Rock Bottom:
Tiger: For Tiger, all of the 2010 tour season has basically been rock bottom. He hasn't played a lot, and therapy has definitely taken away the edge he once had on the opposition.
I'm not going to say it's a good or bad thing (because he's clearly a more stable and balanced person), but clearly, Tiger just isn't Tiger right now. And it's tough to watch. Instead of the mean-spirited, crush the competition killer he once was, Tiger has become a caricature of himself. He smiles more, answers questions in a calm and stated tone, and forget the Ambien haze, the guy is walking around in a different haze, like a dog that just got neutered. I don't think I'm alone when saying, I want the old Tiger Woods back.
Although he had a good showing at Augusta and the U.S. Open, Tiger hasn't been a true threat at any major this year. And he may have officially reached the bottom a week before the PGA at the Bridgestone, when he finished 78th in an 80 man field.
It can't get much worse than that? Can it?
Vinnie: Sadly, I don't think Vinnie has hit rock bottom yet.
We certainly seemed to havean indicator in the most recent episode, when the studio- to assuage fears that Vinnie is a coke head- asked him to take a drug test. He refused, making it seem like he was doing it on principle. After all, he'd never been arrested, never been late for a day of work, never...blah...blah...blah. We all know the truth. He refused to take the drug test, because, well, he's taking drugs.
What especially pissed me off personally about Vince's drug test refusal was that he dicked over everyone who was closest to him. His manager/BFF E, his agent Ari, the studio head Dana Gordon, all had a stake in Vince not screwing this thing up, and he did.
Although after watching seven seasons of the show, I guess I'm not surprised. Like I said, the guy just isn't very likeable. Hasn't been for awhile now.
What's next-
Tiger: Personally, I think Tiger Woods has hit rock bottom. It can't get worse. As crazy as it sounds, I actually think he'll be good in 2011. You know why? Because he'll be Tiger again.
Look, for better or worse, we now know that Tiger wasn't cut out for marriage. Not that there's anything wrong with the institution of marriage, just that this guy is too famous, too rich, and too egotistical to be committed to one woman for the rest of his life. Sorry gold diggers of America. It's true.
Now that his divorce is officially finalized, Tiger can go back to doing what made him Tiger. Love it or hate it, that includes whipping out his three wood every chance he gets.
Then again, I don't really know why any of us were surprised about his infidelities in the first place. This was a guy who made his living being the most driven, ego-centric, single-minded athlete of our generation. If he shot a 70 today he wanted to shoot a 65 tomorrow. He he shot a 65 tomorrow he wanted to set the course record the next day. Why is it surprising that he chased tail the same way?
With his therapy completed (I assume), I expect Tiger to take his tail out from between his legs and be Tiger again. Without a wife, that means more trips to Vegas, more random cocktail waitresses/porn stars and probably better results on the golf course. He may never be the undisputed best like he once was, there are just too many good young guys on tour right now (anyone ever heard of Rory McIlroy? Dude's a beast), but he will win majors again.
My prediction: 2011 will be a big year for Tiger Woods.
Vinnie: I'm not nearly as confident about Vinnie. Truthfully, the guy has never really given a s**t about anything, so who's to say he's going to start caring now.
For starters, there's Sasha. For whatever reason, she really seems to have a hold on him. Don't ask why, I have no idea.
And while I'm the last person in the world to give girl advice, all I'm going to say is...Vince...come on dude...really? A porn star? You can't do better than a girlfriend who gets paid to have sex on camera for a living? I mean Tiger may have dabbled with a few porn stars (who hasn't really?), but he never tried to put a ring on one's finger. And it's not like she even has a great personality or anything. As I said on Twitter the other night: "Has there ever been a less likeable TV couple than Vinnie Chase and Sasha Grey. I say no."
More importantly, have you noticed that Vince doesn't have his buddies to keep him in line anymore?
E's engaged. Turtle is doing his tequila thing. Maverick Carter is in South Beach. Woops, I got my entourage's confused there. My bad. Also, Ari seems pretty damn busy with his own stuff. When's the last time we even saw them in the same room together? Last season?
Either way, I don't see this one ending well for Vinnie. Maybe it'll end in a trip to rehab. Or a move back to Queen Boulevard. I really don't know.
What I do know, is that when it came to 2010, it was a terrible year for both Vinnie Chase and Tiger Woods.
But I only see one bouncing back in 2010.
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