It wasn’t until last Tuesday night that I came to have a full appreciation for just how important college football had become in my everyday life.
After eating, sleeping and breathing the sport since the beginning of August (and even before that really), all of a sudden, I looked up, and well, there was no college football to be played, no college football to be discussed, and really, just a huge void in my life. Honestly, it was like breaking up with a girlfriend, only about 100 times worse, and ended with me questioning everything I thought I knew. What do I do? Where do I go? Who am I? Needless to say, it got pretty bad.
But after a few nights of sitting in bed, eating Ben and Jerry’s and watching replays of old MAC games on ESPN3.com (ohh MACtion, how I’ve missed you), I decided that it was time to be proactive. College football may be over, but that also means a bunch more time has opened up, and I plan on using it as productively as I can. There’s just so much more to life than sitting my couch with a bag of Doritos, and wondering things like “Hmm, I wonder who would win in a fight, Will Muschamp, or a grizzly bear?” It’s time to live life dammit, which is what I plan on doing!
And because of it, I decided to make a list of all the ways I plan on passing the time over the next eight months. Not every item on the list is perfect, and with so little time in the off-season, I know that not every single one will be accomplished. But the path to success starts with a plan, and this is my way of tabulating one.
Here are 50 Ways I plan to pass the time during the college football off-season.
1. Cook myself a nice, balanced meal (After all, now that I’m not on the couch 14 hours every Saturday (not to mention Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights), I’m out of excuses to eat cold pizza for breakfast, and cereal for dinner)
2. Help Darron Thomas prepare for his professional career in Canada.
3. Catch up on this season of "Kim and Kourtney Take New York."
4. Fulfill that New Year’s Resolution two weeks late, and go to the gym… at least once.
5. To save time now, begin mentally preparing myself for next year’s BCS controversy.
6. Watch the Shrine Bowl on Saturday. Hey, at least its college football… kinda.
7. Giggle at the TV…when I see Brad Childress coaching one of the team’s in the Shrine Bowl. Oh, it’s happening.
8. Watch the Senior Bowl too. It might be the last chance I get to see Kellen Moore play quarterback for a while.
9. Resign myself to the fact that Syracuse is the best team in college basketball this season. Not cool.
10. House Hunters International… yeah, it’s in the DVR rotation.
11. Take a weekend vacation to a tropical locale. If you’re like me and can’t actually afford a tropical vacation, head down to Denny’s for their Grand Slam Breakfast instead.
12. Go for a run. Look at yourself, ya slob!
13. While I’m not married, for anyone who is, please spend some time with your wife. If that doesn’t sound appealing, remember: A good divorce lawyer doesn’t come cheap.
14. Help Jim Caldwell upload his resume to LinkedIn.
15. Update my own resume, on the off chance the Indianapolis Colts call.
16. Watch Rubio Rubio play basketball… as much as humanly possible.
17. Catch up on women’s basketball. In other words, figure out when UConn or Baylor is playing next.
18. Try out that new show that all the kids seem to love, “Two Broke Girls.”
You know what? Never mind.
19. Same with Ashton Kutcher and “Two and a Half Men.” At this point, just let me know when they cancel the show, ok?
20. Enviously watch Chris Fowler broadcast the Australian Open. Proceed to count the days until Fowler retires, and I can apply for his vacant job.
21. Read a book. Preferably this one.
22. Teach myself Mike Gundy’s dance moves.
23. Jimmy Dykes? Yeah, I’ll be avoiding that guy at all costs.
24. Get into an argument with someone on the subject of “Has Eli now passed Peyton as the best Manning brother.” Punch anyone in the face who thinks Eli is better.
25. Six words to consider for April: Stephen Garcia and the NFL Combine. I know you just got excited.
26. Watch some Big Ten basketball… No, seriously. I’m not even being sarcastic.
27. Cancel my Facebook account. Sure, I miss my ex-girlfriend. But knowing that she just ate lunch at Panera Bread isn’t going to make me feel better.
28. Update my iPod. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Justin Bieber Christmas album, but it’s just time for some new jams.
29. Watch the NFL playoffs…and pray that for the sake of humanity that we don’t get a Giants-Patriots rematch in the Super Bowl.
30. Watch the NFL playoffs… watch Alex Smith play quarterback, then realize that not only is Jim Harbaugh a genius, he very well might be “The Quarterback Whisperer.”
31. Watch the NFL playoffs… and realize that if Tom Coughlin coached in the SEC, he’d have been fired two years ago.
32. Watch the NFL playoffs… well, you get the point. Sure it ain’t Bryant-Denny Stadium on a Saturday night, but at least its football, right?
33. Flip on the Australian Open… because really, is there anything funnier than foreign men wearing jorts? Nothing that I can think of.
34. Help Gunner Kiel move into his dorm room at Notre Dame.
35. Weather permitting, go for a run on the beach. For those who don’t live near a beach (or if it’s too cold to run outside), lie in bed and watch re-runs of "The King of Queens" instead. It’s practically the same thing.
36. They’re called a razor and shaving cream…. And I should really look into them.
37. To any ladies reading, the same goes for you all too. Just because it’s winter, doesn’t mean…. You know what? Let’s just move on.
38. Prepare my Charlie Weis jokes for the fall. I’ll thank myself later.
39. No matter how bored I get, refuse to order “New Year’s Eve,” On Demand. Sure, Lea Michele is cute in that “not actually cute at all sorta way,” but still. It won’t be worth the $4.99. I just know it.
40. Try and get to the bottom of the most confusing question of 2011: What the hell is up with Brent Musberger’s obsession with The Honey Badger?
42. That oil change I’ve been putting off since mid-August? Now seems like a good time to look into that.
43. Think of ways to frame Mark May for an unspeakable crime, in hopes of getting him off of my TV forever.
44. Try and make sense of the NCAA’s new punishment guidelines. After becoming confused, give up after two minutes and drink a beer instead.
45. Figure out the meaning of life.
46. As someone on Twitter suggested: Rearrange my sock drawer. Little does he know, I almost never wear socks.
47. Set up a Google alert to block all stories involving the words “Dwight Howard” and “trade rumors.”
48. Set up another Google alert for “Ohio State football” and “arrested.” After all, Urban Meyer is in town!
49. Come up with a few lousy “SOPA” jokes. Proceed to annoy friends with them.
50. Count the days until spring practice starts.
Now, I've got to ask: How do you spend on planning the off-season?
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