Well, we’ve officially reached that point in the calendar year.
No, I’m not talking about the “point” when Josh Beckett decides to singlehandedly submarine the Red Sox season (although that does seem completely applicable on this particular morning). Nope, instead I’m talking about the “point” where I officially have no idea what to write here at Aaron Torres Sports. College football and basketball are over, Major League Baseball just started, and I still haven’t watched enough of the NBA Playoffs to have a real “feel” for any of the teams. As for hockey, well, let’s get real for a second: I stopped paying attention to hockey 15 years ago (wait, is Steve Yzerman still in the league?).
Therefore, I decided to do something a little different today. Rather than write some important and meaningful article on some big-picture subject in sports that will make you think deeply, and question everything you ever thought you knew… I instead decided to jot down the first 50 random thoughts that popped into my head.
Now granted, I’ve done these “50 Random Thoughts” columns before, but usually they at the very least, have a theme. Today, not so much. Instead, I just jump from thought to thought, from the NHL to NBA to bad reality TV, the same way Derek Jeter jumps from blondes to brunettes to… well, you get the point.
Regardless, here they are: 50 Random Thoughts….On Just About Everything.
1. I’m not saying I’m happy that the Bulls-76ers series is done… but at the same time, I would’ve been more likely to watch all-day “House Hunters” marathon, than a single additional second of that awful series.
2. Just a hunch, but I don’t think anyone will ever refer to the new Vikings Stadium as “The House that Christian Ponder Built.”
3. Now that Texas and Texas A&M will no longer play every fall, I’d like to nominate “Jim Delany vs. Nick Saban” as my new favorite rivalry in college football.
4. Is anyone else legitimately curious what JaVale McGee has planned with his mom for Mother’s Day? Or is that just me?
5. You know your fantasy baseball season is spinning violently out of control when you hear that Vlad Guerrero has just signed with the Blue Jays, and then sprint to your computer to pick him up off the waiver wire.
6. I’m not implying anything here, but… my birthday is in July, and Bobby Petrino’s wrecked motorcycle is for sale. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.
7. “The Pauly D Project” has made me completely re-evaluate everything I thought I knew about the world of DJ’ing.
8. I’m going to say something controversial here, and please don’t judge me for it: Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith aren’t nearly as bad as everyone makes them out to be. Phew, I feel bet--
(//Ducks to avoid thrown tomatoes//)
9. Serious question: If a playoff game is aired on NBATV, but nobody watches it, did it really happen?
10. I’m not saying I expect Albert Pujols to stay in his slump forever… but what I am saying is, man, I’m glad I’m not the guy signing his paychecks for the next 10 years.
11. When Tommy Heinsohn compared Avery Bradley to Michael Jordan the other night, it may have been the single happiest moment of my life.
12. The most interesting thing to me about the Roger Clemens steroids trial is, umm, that people actually still care about steroids in baseball. I thought we all agreed to stop paying attention that sometime in 2008 or something.
13. Wait, I forgot, is this the week Knicks fans embrace Carmelo, or loathe him? I can never keep track.
14. Speaking of the Knicks, I would make fun of Amare for the whole “punching a fire extinguisher thing,” but as someone who once punched a glass window in my younger days, all I can really say is, “Leave the guy alone. That freakin’ hurts.”
15. I want to go back to Marlins Park. That is all.
16. I’m all for freedom of expression and everything, but is anything else starting to think that maybe James Harden has taken it one step too far?
17. Last week I made the case that Anthony Davis should be on this summer’s Olympics team. Today I’ll make the case that DeMarcus Cousins should work as part of their security detail.
18. Wait, did the Utah Jazz make the playoffs? Or was that just my imagination?
19. Hmm, so Kobe had a stomach bug, in a deciding Game 6 last night? Honestly, this obsession he has with MJ is starting to get a tiny bit weird.
20. Speaking of Kobe’s stomach bug, I loved this line from Adrian Wojnarowski’s recap of last night’s game:
“When this 113-96 vanquishing was over, Bryant had gone for 31 points and four bags of intravenous fluids.”
I mean seriously, does anyone paint a picture as well as Woj does?
21. “Greg Schiano, NFL head coach” is still a concept I’m having trouble wrapping my head around.
22. If you spent more than one second thinking about, watching or discussing Buzz Bissinger’s college football “debate,” well, you’re doing it all wrong.
23. Wait, how many days until the start of the WNBA season again?
24. No joke to make here: This column on Greg Oden is simply phenomenal.
25. My mother always told me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. Therefore, I have edited out the Dick Stockton joke I planned to run here.
26. It’s good to know that I didn’t have to watch a single Atlanta Hawks regular season game this year to know exactly what I was getting from them this postseason… mediocrity, basically.
27. Speaking of the Hawks, wasn’t that fall away jumper with a hand in face and the season on the line the most Josh Smith-ish thing you could ever imagine him doing?
28. One more Hawks related note, and this one is a bit of good news: Hawks fans, remember, it’s only four more years and a little over $89 million until Joe Johnson is officially off the books! Congratulations!
29. “The great thing about being a Big East football fan right now” is a sentence that no one has ever said. Ever.
30. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited that Shaq got his doctorate and all… but my God, if I have to hear everyone call him “Dr. Shaq” from now on, I will drive my car off a bridge.
31. On the exact opposite note, credit to Charles Barkley. I hadn’t been paying close attention, but man has that guy lost some weight. More power to him.
32. Bryce Harper… swoon.
33. Speaking of Harper, can you believe that he, RGIII and John Wall are all 22-years-old or younger? More importantly, that fact led me to two big questions:
A. In five years, will be D.C. be the best sports town in America?
B. And more importantly, what the heck am I doing with my life?
34. I would make fun of the Pac-12 Network for hiring Rick Neuheisel… but honestly, what joke could I make that would be funnier than what Neuheisel said himself the other day?
35. I think we can all agree that week’s episode of “Khloe and Lamar,” was easily one of the two or three most compelling subplots of this year’s NBA Playoffs. No?
36. So seriously, Andrew Bynum… what’s up with that dude?
37. If I could use two phrases to describe J.R. Smith, the first would be “undoubtedly the most interesting player in the entire NBA” and the second would be “the last guy on the planet that I’d ever want on my basketball team.”
38. Ryan Tannehill…. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
Oh, sorry. I forgot that Dolphins fans read this website too.
39. At this point, isn’t getting round-by-round updates on Tiger Woods a little like getting updates on a sick relative? I mean, do we have to have them? Can someone tell Sportscenter to stop? I’m actually getting kinda depressed.
40. If I could go one day without hearing the words “realignment” or “expansion” in regards to college sports, I could die a happy man right now.
41. I’m just gonna say it: Did anyone else find the Sarah Phillips article kinda boring? I’d be lying if I said I made it more than half way through.
42. But for real, what do you think Ron Zook is doing at this exact moment?
43. If I had to take a guess, I’d say: “Playing with legos.”
44. The biggest upset of the 2012 NHL Playoffs was undoubtedly… that wait, there's still a hockey team in St. Louis? I actually, legitimately forgot the Blues existed.
45. Speaking of the NHL Playoffs, is it weird that in a town that has two NBA playoff teams, two Major League Baseball teams and the preseason No. 1 in college football, that the Kings are the toast of Los Angeles right now?
46. If you can’t appreciate and enjoy watching Kenneth Faried play the game of basketball, well, that’s a “you” problem.
47. The great thing about Ronny Turiaf (a phrase that has surely never been uttered before) is that it doesn’t matter what team he plays for, what city he lives in, or which uniform on his back, he remains the same goofy dude that we’ve always known, and occasionally loved.
48. As a UConn fan, watching Caron Butler guard Rudy Gay the other night was like watching two of my ex-girlfriends make small talk at a happy hour. I wasn’t really mad, I wasn’t really happy, but honestly, it was just really weird.
49. I haven’t been able to watch much baseball as expected this season, but my hard-hitting analysis on the Red Sox is as follows: “Woah, Vincente Padilla is way fatter than I remember him being last year.”
50. And finally, on a serious note…
To all the beautiful women out there who make the world go round, Happy Mothers Day!!
Also for his continued take on all things sports, and updates on his articles, podcasts and giveaways, be sure to follow Aaron on Twitter @Aaron_Torres, Facebook.com/AaronTorresSports or by downloading the Aaron Torres Sports App for FREE for your iPhone or Android Phones
And finally, Aaron has written his first book! It's called The Unlikeliest Champion, it's about the 2011 UConn Huskies National Championship team. It is available for order in Kindle or paperback at both www.uconnbook.com and Amazon.com. Get your order in today!)