| 22 July 2011
Alright, so some of you have been getting on me for not writing more. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t “some of you,” and was actually just one person. Whatever. The point is, I haven’t been writing much. I get it.
At the same time, I’ll be the first to admit, that I’m not sure quite what there is to be discussed. If I hear one more word on the NFL lockout, my head will explode. I don’t have much to say on baseball. And any comments I make on Hope Solo or the women’s US soccer team will make me sound like a sexist, so I can’t go there. Really, what else is there to talk about?
Which is my biggest conundrum: Nothing is quite, “column worthy.” As in, nothing is interesting enough for me to have a strong, tangible opinion on.
Still, that doesn’t mean I don’t have some thoughts.
As a matter of fact, here are 50 Random Thoughts, none that have anything to do with the other.
1. First off, let’s get to the lockout. And I’ve got to say, I’m confused. Is it done? Is it not done? Or are the owners just waiting to finalize their TV contract with the Longhorn Network? Can someone explain this to me?
2. Speaking of the lockout, did anyone else besides me notice that while Chris Mortensen was on the scene in Washington D.C., Adam Schefter was stuck back in Bristol? Take that Schefty! Looks like Chris Mortensen has taken back the belt for “Top ESPN NFL Insider.”
Meanwhile, finishing in last place for the 19th straight year? John Clayton.
3. There was of course, one unfortunate by-product of ESPN’s coverage last night. That was, that it broke the streak of 191 straight days since the last time I’d seen Tom Jackson on my TV screen. Damn, just when I was getting comfortable…
4. By the way, did anyone else find it weird to see Jackson on the screen without his annoying sidekick Chris Berman? I mean at this point, the two go together like Cedric Benson and handcuffs, or Lindsay Lohan and bleary red eyes. Simply put, one just doesn’t feel right without the other.
5. Also, while we’re here, I found it highly entertaining listening to Jackson try and explain the ins and outs of this lockout. Honestly, it would be like putting a camera on my grandma and asking her to describe a Google search in detail. What’s even the point? Wouldn’t an empty chair or blow up doll have brought he same insight?
6. Staying with ESPN’s coverage, I don’t know if you heard, but Herm Edwards WAS PART OF THE LOCKOUT IN 1982!!! HE WAS THERE!!!
7. Still despite all the yelling, you’ve got to love Herm. I don’t care if his analysis isn’t always “spot on,” the man is more than entertaining. Actually, now that I think about it, I feel like Herm would make a perfect judge on the next season of American Idol.
8. Final lockout thought: Sure there wasn’t much news to report, but did anyone else see the gleam in Trey Wingo’s eyes during the broadcast last night? He definitely had his, “At least I’m not broadcasting the Women’s Final Four,” swag going.
9. Alright, enough foreplay, let’s move over to the SEC Media Days, which have been nothing, if not a zoo. Honestly, I knew things would get out of hand, as soon as the SEC offices approved my dog for a credential the other day.
10. But no really, 900 credentialed media at Media Days? I mean come on!? Who came up with that number, Houston Nutt?
11. Speaking of Nutt, right as I started typing this article, news broke that the Ole Miss Rebels had actually received two first place votes. Two! Although I have yet to verify if those votes were for Ole Miss to win the SEC, or in naming Nutt “Coach most likely to be working at your local Burger King drive-thru by Halloween.” I’ll keep you posted as new information comes out.
12. Let’s get serious though. The best news to come out of Media Days came from South Carolina, where Steve Spurrier said that troubled quarterback Stephen Garcia “Has made some changes to his lifestyle.” Honestly, that’s great news, it really is.
Unfortunately, what the media neglected to report was when Spurrier followed up with, “Yeh, Stephen's been great. He's down to drinking only four nights a week, and hasn’t even driven on the wrong side of the highway in months! Now who wants to hit the TPC?”
13. While we’re talking SEC Media Days, how about that Will Muschamp? I’m not saying Muschamp is scary. But at the same time, is it weird that the second he came on my TV screen Wednesday, my dog sprinted out of the room and hid under the bed? I mean, that’s a little weird, right?
14. Speaking of Florida, call me pessimistic, but I have a hard time believing John Brantley when he told the media, “I have my confidence back.” To me, that’s like when a frat kid says, “I’m never drinking again,” after an especially tough weekend bender. I mean sure it sounds nice on paper. But I guess I’ll just believe it when I see.
15. On a sadder note, I was bummed to see that Charlie Weis didn’t show up at Media Days. Apparently, the reason that Florida gave for his no-show was that there wasn’t enough room in the building for him and his ego. The Gators request for a venue change was also denied.
16. Wait, Kentucky still has a football team?
17. By the way, everyone’s raving about the quotes of Tennessee defensive end Malik Jackson, who responded to one reporter's question about the best defensive linemen on the team by saying “Me, me and…me." With that said, I guess I’m confused. Was Jackson trying to be funny? Or just prove once and for all that he’s the worst teammate ever?
18. With that said, I thought Jackson’s coach Derek Dooley had a much funnier answer, when he was asked about the ongoing search for a new AD at Tennessee. His answer? “The best one I ever worked for was at Louisiana Tech.” Dooley, of course was the AD at Louisiana Tech at the time.
19. One final Dooley note. For some reason, this article reallllllllly cracked me up.
20.That Aaron Murray sure is easy on the eyes. That’s all.
21. His name ain’t too bad either. Well, the first part anyway.
22. Ohhhhhh, Media Days. You know, they say that SEC Media Days really are the start of the college football season. Although honestly, I’ve never bought that logic. To me, college football doesn’t officially start until the first time I see Lou Holtz on TV spitting into the camera.
23. Moving on from the SEC, but staying in college football, this Longhorn Network story has really taken on a life of its own, huh? At the very least, it’s once again proven my long-standing theory that DeLoss Dodds is the most powerful person in college athletics, and the most powerful person in the world really, whose named “DeLoss.”
24. By the way, if you haven’t been following, the latest news is that Texas A&M is seriously considering a move to the SEC, depending on how this whole Longhorn Network thing shakes out. I’ve got a better solution. Why doesn’t A&M just start a network of their own? It could air every Tuesday between 2:30 and 4:30 a.m. on Public Access Channel 22. You know you’d watch.
25. Also, while we’re talking about the Longhorn Network, one angle that is definitely underreported right now is how it impacts all Texas sports, not just football. For example, I already can’t wait for the smash hit series, “All-Access: Behind The NCAA Tournament Upset, With Rick Barnes.” I'm already ready to order the extended cut version on DVD.
26. Wait, people still watch poker on TV?
27. Don’t know if you heard, but tragic news came out of golf this week, as Tiger Woods fired long-time caddy Stevie Williams. This, within days of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announcing their divorce. I mean seriously, if those two crazy couples can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?
28. Actually, all joking aside, Williams has come out and taken some real pot-shots at Tiger since their not so nice breakup. I’m actually starting to get worried that this might get “Ronnie and Sammi on Jersey Shore,” level ugly. Especially if Williams ever gets a drink or two in him.
29. Speaking of TV, the final season of Entourage kicks off this weekend. My only disappointment is that the show didn’t send Emmanuelle Chriqui on of those city-by-city goodbye tours, like retiring baseball players get.
30. Just to get me ready for this season of Entourage, I was actually watching last year’s episodes the other day. By about episode six I came to his realization: If Sasha Grey isn’t the best example for young guys of “Never get into a committed relationship until you’re at
least 35,” I don’t know what is.
31. As for movies, well, I’m just gonna say it: I’m over Zach Galifianakis. Look, I get it. Galifianakis is the “creepy, quirky dude with a beard,” just like Jack Black was before him. Haha, so funny. Zach, now do us all a favor and just move on. Please.
32. Speaking of movies, I’m going to take a guess and say that there’s about a 94 percent chance I see Friends with Benefits this weekend, and if I do, there’s a 100 percent chance that at some point I'll get lost in Mila Kunis' eyes. Don't say you weren't warned.
33. Serious question: What do you think Joe Lunardi is doing right now? More importantly, how many cats do you think he has? My guess is at least eight.
34. So, umm, baseball. They’re still playing that, right?
35. Actually, true story, I was watching the Mets-Cardinals game yesterday, and thought to myself, “Damn, I’ve got nothing but respect for anyone at this game right now. They’re way better fans than me.” In all seriousness, if it’s hotter than 90 degrees out, I won’t even
scratch a bad itch. Let alone sit in the stands for a baseball game.
36. Yep, it’s true, the Northeast is in the middle of a heat wave right now. But really, the heat is a bit overrated. Just as long as you don’t leave the house, make sure to keep the blinds closed at all times and don’t move an inch from sun up to sun down, it's actually not that bad.
37. Ok, I was kidding. It's really bad. As a matter of fact, it got so bad, that when Skip Bayless came on my TV screen this morning, rather than fumbling around looking for my remote, I just decided “Screw it, I’ll watch." That just about says it all, doesn't it?
38. But back to baseball for a second, where incredibly, the Pittsburgh Pirates are in first place. First place! The last time that happened this late in the year was in 1992. To put that in perspective, 1992 was so long ago that at the time, the Clinton administration hadn’t even officially started yet, the average national gas price was a $1.20, and Coach K’s hair was still jet black.
Ok, I guess some things haven’t changed.
39. In all honesty though, I do have to admit that while it takes me a little while to get into baseball season, I have been watching a lot more lately. The way I see it, baseball doesn’t officially begin until Prince Fielder gets removed from a game for “exhaustion,” after trying to beat out an infield single. That usually happens right around July 1, right?
40. Actually, speaking of fat baseball players, one of the headlines on ESPN.com today actually read, “Cubs would eat much of Soriano’s contract.” Excited, I quickly clicked on the link to see if the sub-head that followed was “C.C. Sabathia to eat the rest.” Unfortunately, it wasn’t there.
41. I don’t know if you heard, but apparently the WNBA All-Star Game is this weekend. Good times! I can’t tell you which roster is better, but I can tell you this: The real winner is America.
42. Interestingly, I actually did just look up the odds to the WNBA All-Star Game. Quickly scanning them, it appears “I won’t be watching,” is a slight favorite, over “I’ll flip it on by accident and immediately throw the remote at my TV in horror.”
43. So I’ve been catching up on some summer reading, and I’ve got to admit that I’m enjoying Gene Chizik’s new book “All In.” Although truthfully, I’m still not sure if the title has anything to do with Auburn’s championship season, or just the way Chizik’s approach to berating NCAA investigators.
44. By the way, who is this Danny Sheridan that everyone keeps talking about in regards to the Auburn investigation? Wasn’t Danny Sheridan one of the Backstreet Boys?
45. Let’s move over to the NBA, where I’ve got to admit I was kind of bummed to hear the news that Yao Ming retired. He will easily go down as one of my two or three favorite 7’5 Chinese athletes of all-time.
46. Seriously though, when Disney makes a movie on Yao (which you know they will), who do you think plays him? My vote goes to Denzel. I definitely think he can pull it off.
47. By the way, how about this lockout? It's given us next to no NBA news. I mean honestly, you know it’s a slow NBA news cycle when “Chris Quinn signs overseas,” makes headlines.
48. While we’re on the subject, does anyone believe for a second that Kobe Bryant will actually play overseas? I mean, come on. If he can’t even handle playing with Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom in Los Angeles, how’s he going to deal with a bunch of teammates that got cut from D-II college teams? Kobe might literally commit the first ever, on court NBA homicide.
49. Another NBA lockout thought: How do you think Ric Bucher, JA Adande and all the other NBA reporters spend their day? My guess is that they just sit by the phone all afternoon, eat ice cream and wait for it to ring, like a teenage girl who just got dumped by her boyfriend.
50. Finally, I don’t know if you heard, but Shaq apparently got his career in the media off to a rip-roaring start when he called the Miami Heat “The Big Two,” purposely leaving Chris Bosh out of the discussion. Granted, I don’t defend Chris Bosh much. But at the same time, couldn’t “The Big Two,” also be a reference to the man boobs that Shaq played with the last four or five years?
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