50 Random Thoughts: On Dwight Howard, Justin Bieber, the July 4th weekend and more

Admit it: It’s summer, it’s hot out, you may or may not have been without power for the last five days… and you’re approximately eight hours from the start of a five-day holiday weekend. You don’t want to do anything that’ll make you actually make you think today, right?

Frankly, you shouldn’t have to. Which is why rather than writing a regular, well thought, fact-based column this morning, I figured it was time to break out another “50 Random Thoughts” instead. After all, why work hard, when you can read a bunch of jumbled sentences and half-baked thoughts right before a holiday weekend instead?

Therefore, here are another 50 Random Thoughts, this time on Dwight Howard, Justin Bieber, the July 4th weekend and more!

 

1. With the Nets trading for Joe Johnson and limiting their options to bring in Dwight Howard, everyone keeps talking about how much it sucks to be Howard right now. But you know who it really sucks to be? The Brooklyn-based real estate agent Howard just hired over the weekend. What’s a three percent commission on $0 again?

 

2. Speaking of which, while I hate to side with Howard (who is basically a member of the Axis of Evil at this point), I’ve got to ask: What the heck was the big rush for the Nets to make the Joe Johnson trade? Was that trade really not going to be on the table tomorrow? In a week? In a month? Shouldn’t Brooklyn have focused on getting Howard first?

3. In a related story, isn’t it still weird to call them the “Brooklyn Nets?” Or is that just my imagination.

4. Staying on the subject of Joe Johnson, did you know that it is actually he (and not LeBron, Kobe, Durant or anyone else) who has the richest remaining contract in the NBA right now? America really is the land of opportunity, huh?

6. Also, by getting rid of Johnson and Marvin Williams’ contracts yesterday, did Hawks GM Danny Ferry become the most popular person in Atlanta since Sid Bream slid into home in the ’92 NLCS? Because I kinda, sorta think he might be.

7. So I can’t lie, I got really excited to sit down and read 50 Shades of Grey the other night. I was also really disappointed two pages in when I realized the book had nothing to do with Oregon’s football uniforms.

8. All I’m saying is… nobody knows quality work like the Dallas Morning News does.

9. Random question, but what do you think Bobby Petrino is doing right now?

10. With Fourth of July right around the corner, I’m just going to throw it out there: The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest is quite possibly the single most repulsive thing on the planet. It is also the single most justifiable reason for the rest of the world to hate America.

11. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but with Anthony Davis getting hurt yesterday, I’m really starting to think my chances of making the U.S. Olympic basketball team are looking better than ever. As a matter of fact, I’m going to go shoot a few jumpers in the driveway just in case.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

12. Speaking of the Olympics, would anyone judge me if I decided to name my first-born (boy or girl) after Ryan Lochte? Because I’m seriously thinking about it.

13. Staying on the subject, I’ve got to ask: Is Lochte-Michael Phelps the best rivalry in sports right now? Seriously, I’m not even being sarcastic. I really think it might be.

14. Did anyone else hear the news that Sean Payton is getting divorced? It really is sad to see bad things happen to such good people.

15. In a related story, does anyone else believe the rumor that the NFL has tapes of Payton discussing his divorce with Gregg Williams from over a year ago?

16. Speaking of divorces, if those two crazy kids Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?

17. I know it happened almost two months ago, but I still think Justin Bieber walking Floyd Mayweather into the ring before his fight with Miguel Cotto was my single favorite thing about 2012 so far.

18. Actually, I take that back. The picture of Justin Bieber below is my single favorite thing about 2012 so far.

19. Welcome to the SEC, Texas A&M!

20. Did you hear the Houston Rockets offered someone named Omer Asik a three-year, $25 million contract yesterday? There’s a great joke to make here, I’m just not totally sure what it is.

21. I think I’m the only person in America who hasn’t seen a single episode of “The Newsroom.” And I’m totally cool with that.

22. Only 59 more days until the start of college football season. It’s also only 59 more days until the matchup that might turn out to be this year’s “Game of the Century”: Minnesota at UNLV. Can you feel the excitement?

23. Since I never had the chance to write about the NBA Draft last week, I figured I’d share a couple thoughts here.

My first thought? I can’t believe I live in a world where Damian Lillard is a Top 10 pick, and Perry Jones can barely crack the Top 30.

24. Second thought: Want to know why the Toronto Raptors are the Toronto Raptors? Because they use Top 10 picks on guys like Terrence Ross. That’s why. Kim Kardashian doesn’t have worse judgment in potential life partners than the Raptors do in evaluating basketball players. Seriously.

25. In a related story, I love the rumor that the reason the Raptors took Ross so high was because it now helps them in an attempt to sign free agent Steve Nash. That might be the single least logical thing I’ve ever heard.

26. No seriously. The Raptors drafted Washington forward Terrence Ross… because they think it helps them in an attempt to sign Steve Nash. Wait… WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????????

27. Back to the draft, where I really liked the Milwaukee Bucks of John Henson at No. 14 overall. I fully expect him to go to the Bucks and combine with Brandon Jennings… to weigh at least 140 lbs. next season.

28. There’s mad. There’s really mad. Then there’s the look on Thomas Robinson’s face after he got drafted by the Sacramento Kings.

29. Also, I feel bad for Miles Plumlee. You just know by the end of his first practice with the Pacers the poor guy will get at least three elbows to the face from Tyler Hansbrough. At least two will be intentional.

30. I still don’t understand the Hornets logic at taking Austin Rivers at No. 10, but apparently the team explained the pick by saying that head coach Monty Williams believes he can turn Rivers into a point guard. Two related thoughts on that:

A. Williams clearly didn’t watch a single Duke game this entire season.

B. Williams also believes he can turn water into wine.

31. I’m not saying the Houston Rockets had a good draft or anything, but they did scoop up Jeremy Lamb, Royce White and Terrence Jones (only three of the dozen or so most talented players in the draft) at picks No. 12, No. 16 and No. 18 respectively. Not too shabby.

32. Yeah, it’s pretty clear to me that like Monty Williams, this guy didn’t watch a single second of college basketball last year.

33. I still think the steal of the entire draft may have been the Celtics swooping up Jared Sullinger at pick No. 21. Regardless of what he does in the NBA though, the highlight of Sullinger’s career will always be this video.

34. Speaking of truly fantastic videos, I just saw the one below, and I must say: Les Miles, please don’t ever change.

35. On a much sadder note, there isn’t a single thing I can say about Joe Paterno right now that won’t upset a lot of people. Therefore, I’ll just keep my mouth shut.

36. At the same time, any discussion of Penn State football getting the Death Penalty, or even discussion of the NCAA getting involved with the program at all, is truly and utterly asinine.

37. So Erin Andrews is leaving ESPN to go over to Fox Sports and well… as much as I love EA (and I do), I’m pretty sure Fox didn’t get a single new college football viewer because of it.

38. I know I already touched on it, but… Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter? I mean really, what the hell is Hollywood thinking??

39. With my birthday now just days away, if anyone is looking for a present for me, feel free to just grab one of those “That’s a Clown Question, Bro” t-shirts. Size medium should be fine.

40. And if you don’t know the story behind “That’s a Clown Question, Bro,” well, just click here.

41. Staying in baseball, with the MLB All-Star Game this weekend, I’ve got to ask… do we really still need the Celebrity Softball game? Couldn’t we just fill the airtime with Tae-Bo ads instead?

42. No joke to make here, but props to Spain for winning the Euro Cup over the weekend. Even more props to my third cousin Fernando Torres for winning the Golden Boot as the tournament MVP.

43. (Ok, I can’t lie Fernando Torres isn’t really my third cousin. But don’t tell anyone. It’s really helping me with the ladies.)

44. Speaking of Euro 2012, do you think that if I went to my barber and asked for the “Mario Balotelli special,” he’d know what I was talking about?

45. Is it just me, or has the WNBA season seemed extra compelling so far?

46. Sad news out of baseball Monday, as Dontrelle Willis announced his retirement from baseball.

The even sadder news? I could’ve sworn Dontrelle Willis retired from baseball five years ago.

47. I wouldn’t call this a “prediction” per se, but if Red Sox fans run Daisuke Matuszaka out of town with flames and pitchforks by the end of the summer, well, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

48. Breaking: Tony LaRussa is still a dick.

49. So as we head into July 4, I’ve got a confession to make: Any holiday that is highlighted by eating hamburgers, drinking beer and setting off fireworks is cool with me.

50. To which I must say: Happy Fourth of July everyone!

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