50 Random Thoughts From A Presidents Day Spent On The Couch

As I sat around Monday and racked my brain, I just couldn’t think of anything clever to write about.

So instead, I just decided to jot down 50 Random Thoughts I had while sitting around, watching TV and wasting my afternoon. Honestly, I think George Washington would’ve wanted it that way.

In no particular order, here are those 50 thoughts...

First things first: I’m happy to report that the long national nightmare is over. Carmelo Anthony is officially a New York Knick. Thankfully, we can now all get back to the important issues, like figuring out what planet Snooki is from.

Speaking of which, I know a lot of you make fun of me for being such a big Jersey Shore fan, and honestly, I can’t blame you. But at the same time, doesn’t it speak volumes about the show, that Aaron Rodgers was hanging out with D.J. Pauly D right after the Super Bowl?

Back to the Melo trade for a second, because you know who was the big loser in all this? Wilson Chandler’s tattoo artist. That guy’s kids might not be going to college based on this one trade alone.  

Let’s talk All-Star weekend, where the highlight was undoubtedly when JaVale McGee’s mom accidently kissed Doctor J during the dunk contest. Good God. And I thought my mom showing baby pictures to my ex-girlfriend was embarrassing.
 

Does it make me less of an American (or less of a man for that matter), to admit that Justin Bieber was way better in the celebrity game than I thought he’d be?

This picture made me realize that no matter how hard I try, there is a zero percent chance I’ll ever be as cool as Blake Griffin.

The most annoying thing to come out of All-Star weekend was everyone saying “The Dunk Contest is back!!!!” late Saturday night. Umm, no it’s not. The Dunk Contest is- and always will be-as good as its participants. When Dwight Howard was in the contest, it was awesome. When he wasn’t, it sucked. It’s the same thing with Blake. If he’s gone next year you’re not watching. I guarantee it.

The second most annoying thing to come out of All-Star weekend was everyone saying that Blake Griffin’s car jump “wasn’t that impressive.” Again, what the hell are people talking about?? The dude caught an alley-oop…while jumping over a freakin car! I think I’ll Blake the benefit of the doubt on degree of difficulty, especially since I can’t even warm up my car in the morning without slipping on a sheet of ice.

By the way, did anyone else see Cam Newton sitting courtside at All-Star Saturday night? Was anyone else secretly hoping that Griffin or Serge Ibaka would use him as a prop to dunk over?   

Away from the All-Star festivities, Charles Barkley had the quote of the weekend on Pardon the Interruption Friday afternoon. Chuck is an Auburn guy, and in response to the Newton cheating allegations he said, "Alabama accusing Auburn of cheating is like Snooki telling Halle Berry she's ugly" Now THAT is funny.

Staying in Alabama, a few people have asked me my thoughts on the whole Toomer’s corner tree poisoning, and honestly I don't really have any. Except, well, doesn’t ‘Harvey Updike’ sound like Atticus Finch’s best friend in To Kill A Mockingbird?

Five words for you: Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez. That is all.

A report surfaced Monday that the Vikings had used a franchise tag on linebacker Chad Greenway. That refutes a previous report that Minnesota was planning on using the tag on Brett Favre’s penis.

My buddy had an interview at the MLB Network the other day. As he was telling me about the process, I couldn’t help but think, “How cool would it be if they paid Jose Canseco to be a greeter at the door?”

Back to All-Star weekend for a second, because I’ve been wondering something. When did oversized, goofy, coke-bottle glasses become an acceptable social norm again? Anyone have any idea?

You know the NBA has a lot of talent right now when guys like Steph Curry, Tyreke Evans and Blake Griffin were playing in Friday night’s Rookie-Sophomore game. Doesn’t it feel like those guys are almost overqualified for the event?

Also, did anyone see Craig Sager throw DeMarcus Cousins under the bus after that Rookie-Sophomore game? I’ve had breakups with ex-girlfriends that were less awkward than that.

Go ahead and admit it. You’ve been sleeping a little easier at night ever since Diana Taurasi got cleared of all those drug charges. Haven’t you?

I’m calling this to a vote: From now on, Derrick Rose and Kevin Love’s teams should play every year on Valentines Day. It makes too much sense not to.

Moving on to college hoops, how freakin’ good is St. John’s? Wins over Duke, Pitt, Georgetown, Notre Dame and UConn? Are you kidding me? Apparently Gene Keady’s hair piece isn’t the only reason to tune into Johnnies basketball right now.

Staying with St. John’s, I love how people say, “Yeh but all their big wins are at home.” As if getting Big East road wins is an easy thing to do.

Well unless you’re Rutgers, who beat Syracuse at the Dome on Saturday. By the way, don’t be fooled by the outcome. Yes Syracuse sucks. But at the same time, Rutgers’ Mike Rice is the next great coach in college basketball.

Also, during that Syracuse-Rutgers game, every time the camera panned to Julie Boeheim I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Hmm, something tells me that she didn’t marry Jim for his looks.” I could be wrong, it’s just a hunch.

Did you hear the NCAA has decided to take a more “hands on approach” to recruiting in light of everything that’s happened over the last few years? I mean, I guess that’s great. But at the same time, isn’t it almost like when a workaholic husband promises to “pay more attention” to his wife, after she’s already slept with the pool boy? Speaking of which…

I tried to watch an episode of Cougar Town the other night. Not a good idea.  The only way the show could’ve been any worse, would be if Mark May had been playing Courtney Cox’s boyfriend.

All I’m going to say is this: I hope that no one in this world ever hates me as much as Skip Bayless hates LeBron James.

Question: How is Apple worth roughly $500 trillion dollars, yet they still haven’t invented ear buds that don’t get tangled up every time you take them off?

The last time I learned anything about sports from listening Mike and Mike, was sometime in the fall of 2005. That is all.

Speaking of Mike and Mike, I’ve got to admit that I actually do like Mike. The problem is that I loathe Mike. So which Mike is which? You’ll never know…

I’m going to hell for saying this, but man do I want to party with Miguel Cabrera.

Staying with baseball, I haven’t done much research for the upcoming season yet. But anyone touting the Pirates as a World Series contender just doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Also, I’m curious to see how America handles its first season without Joe Torre. I mean honestly, baseball just won’t be the same without my buddy Sam making 15 “is he dead or alive,” jokes a game, as Torre spends nine innings a night staring into space.

Did you hear that Mark Cuban started an LLC with the intention of bringing a playoff to college football? Look, I love Cuban, but if Congress couldn’t do anything about a playoff, what chance does he have?

Reason No. 5,199 why I’m ready for spring football: I haven’t typed the words “Les Miles,” in three weeks. As far as I’m concerned, that’s three weeks too long.  

Also, did you hear that Georgia quarterback Aaron Murray got injured playing pickup soccer on Monday? Although it doesn’t sound serious, it once again proves my theory that God hates Mark Richt.  

Is it weird that I’ve forgotten my dad’s birthday five years in a row, yet never forget to watch How I Met Your Mother every Monday at 8pm?

So about that Daytona 500…umm, yeh I still don’t see what all the appeal is about.

What I will admit about the 500 though, was that it was pretty cool seeing 20-year-old Trevor Bayne win it. The best part were the post race interviews, when Bayne definitely had an “Oh man, I’m on TV! This is so cool!” Look on his face. Absolutely priceless.

When Bayne is dating Miley Cyrus in six months, just remember that you heard it here first. Ok?

I’ve got a confession to make: I still can’t tell the Morris twins apart.

Who do you think has more testosterone flowing through their veins: Clay Matthews or Pat Summitt?

If Hall Pass isn’t the most obvious, “I know I’m going to end up seeing it, and I know I’m going to end up hating it,” movie of 2011, I don’t know what is. It doesn’t even hit theaters until Friday, and I already want my $9.50 back.

Late Sunday night my buddy Mark texted me, gushing that he’d bet Kobe Bryant to win the All-Star Game MVP. Should I be impressed that he made the right wager, or concerned that he bet on “All Star Game MVP,” to begin with?

Want to know something you’ll never hear anyone say: Man, you missed a great episode of Holly’s World last night.

Question: If the NBA has a lockout next year, does that mean we get an extended WNBA season?

If this picture doesn’t just scream “Spring Training,” I don’t know what does.

If you’re not closely paying attention to the NFL labor negotiations, here’s what you basically need to know: Not only do the owners want to have their cake and eat it too, they’re trying to take over the whole damn bakery. If there’s no football in September, please, PLEASE don’t blame the players.

Is there anything funnier than watching Todd McShay and Mel Kiper being forced to uneasily coexist every spring leading up to the NFL Draft? I say not.

Thinking about the end of college basketball season makes me sad, but you know what makes me even sadder? The fact that there’s no World Cup or Olympics to bridge those long summer months. This doesn’t mean I’m going to have to watch baseball every night, does it?

(Did you enjoy the Random Thoughts? Hate them? Have some of your own you’d like to share? Let your voice be heard by commenting below, or e-mailing Aaron at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

Also for Aaron’s continued take on all things sports, and updates on his articles, podcasts and giveaways, be sure to follow Aaron on Twitter @Aaron_Torres, Facebook.com/AaronTorresSports or by downloading the Aaron Torres Sports App for FREE for your iPhone or Android Phones)