| 13 March 2011
Need a reason to be excited about this year's NCAA Tournament? How about I give you 68 instead?
In no particular order...
1. One Full Year Until We Have To Deal With The Selection Committee Again: As a general rule I don’t like to take cheap shots at the committee, because ultimately they’ve got a pretty thankless job. But Texas as a four seed? Florida as a two? UAB? VCU? Did these guys (and gals) take more than 10 minutes on this bracket? Or just throw it together and head down to Applebee’s for Happy Hour? Looking it over, I’m honestly not sure.
2. Office Pools: If I’ve said once, I’ve said it a million times: If you’re ever going to trick your girlfriend into watching sports with you, this is the way to do it. You know how many times I’ve said something like, “But honey, we’ve got to watch Temple-Penn State. If the Owls win, you’re in fifth place in our pool!” Gets ‘em every time.
(Speaking of which, why not join the AaronTorres-Sports.com Tournament Challenge? First Prize is a $100 Amazon.com Giftcard. You could put that to use? Couldn't you??)
3. Charles Barkley, Reggie Miller, Kenny Smith and Steve Kerr: I know the early returns on Barkley were only so-so, but give him a chance. When Barkley makes some unsuspecting coach cry after a round two loss, it’ll all be worth it.
4. Arizona, Memphis, North Carolina, UCLA and UConn: The NCAA Tournament just didn’t feel the same last year without last year. Good to have them back.
5. The Four Opening Round Games: Or as I like to call them, “A reason to start gambling on Tuesday. Instead of having to wait until Thursday.”
6. Jimmer Fredette: I don’t know if BYU is still a Final Four contender without Brandon Davies, but really, shouldn’t we all just be thankful for another few games with Jimmer?
7. Duke’s Opening Round Matchup With Hampton: The Pirates haven’t made the tournament many times in school history, but one of the times they did, well, this happened. Obviously I'm not saying it will again. But a guy can dream, can't he?
Speaking of Duke, how about…
8. Coach K’s Hair: Which incredibly, is the exact same shade of black it was when he started coaching at the school back in 1980. Hmm…
9. Louisville Guard Peyton Siva: Who I affectionately call “My 2011 College Basketball man-crush.” Don’t ask why. I have no idea.
10. The San Diego State Aztecs: The No. 2 seed out West, San Diego State is a school which incredibly, has never won an NCAA Tournament game. Something tells me that’ll change this year. Just a hunch.
11. The Morris Twins: It’s taken three full years, but I can finally tell them apart. I think.
12. Louisville-Morehead State Round 1: I’ve got so much respect for what Rick Pitino has done this year, that honestly, I was going to hold off on all the cheap-shot jokes. Then the NCAA Tournament Committee did the dirty work for me.
And if you haven’t figured out the joke yet, just give it a few minutes. It’ll come to you.
14. The St. John’s Red Storm: With everything this senior class has been through, if you’re not rooting for the Johnnies this March, than you don’t have a heart. It’s just that simple.
14. Jacob Pullen: Also known as, “The only athlete in sports history who has admitted to drinking boxed wine.”
15. Georgetown’s Chris Wright: I watched a couple of the games Georgetown played without Wright these last few weeks, and, umm, yeh…I’m glad he’ll be back for the tournament.
16. Because Thanks To The NCAA Tournament: We won’t have to hear the words, “Union,” “owners,” “decertifying,” or “Roger Goodell $1 Salary,” for at least the next few weeks.
17. Come To Think Of It: We won’t have to hear the words “Miami Heat,” and “crying,” either. Thank God.
18. Kemba Walker: I’m a UConn fan, so I can’t speak rationally on Kemba (At least not without inadvertently comparing him to Jesus Christ). Still, something tells me he’s in for a big March.
19. Syracuse Freshman Fab Melo: With the great game he just had against St. John's the other day, does that mean I can't make fun the goofy, awkward Syracuse freshman anymore?
20. Brandon Knight: No he’s not John Wall. But what he is, is the heart and soul of an all-of-a-sudden scary Kentucky team. By the way, you think the Wildcats will be looking for revenge if they get West Virginia in Round 2?
21. Gus Johnson: Admit it. He could be doing play-by-play at your grandma’s 92nd birthday party and you’d be sitting on the edge of your seat with excitement.
22. Michigan and Tennessee’s First Round Matchup: Sure the basketball might not be great, but are there two better college fight songs than “Rocky Top,” and “Hail to the Victors?” I say not.
Speaking of which, there’s…
23. Scotty Hopson’s High Top Fade: Which has to be seen, to be believed.
24. Duke Guard Nolan Smith: Love or hate Duke, I hope you’ve at least learned to appreciate Smith. Other than some guy named “Kemba,” nobody plays harder for 40 minutes a night, every night than Nolan does.
25. Cincinnati’s Cashmere Wright: Usually to enjoy the company of anyone named “Cashmere,” I’ve got to go to a private room and spend at least $25. Not in March though!
26. Morehead State’s Kenneth Faried: Who just so happened to be the nation’s leading rebounder this season. When he rips down 15 boards in the opener against Louisville, just think of me, would you?
27. No More Joe Lunardi: Who magically disappears into thin air at 6:01 p.m. EST every Selection Sunday.
(While we’re here, can we get rid of the “Joey Brackets,” shtick? If it weren’t for “JWoww,” Joey Brackets would be the worst nickname on TV, hands down.)
28. The St. Peter’s Peacocks: For those of you who enjoy gambling, just know that St. Peter’s has the best against the spread record of any team in the NCAA Tournament field. They were 20-7 on the year.
29: The Memphis Tigers: For those of you who enjoy gambling, just know that Memphis had one of the worst against the spread records of any team in the NCAA Tournament field. They were a fun 12-17-2 against the points this year, which makes it even more impressive that Josh Pastner still has all his hair.
30. Ohio State’s David Lighty: No joke to make here. Lighty is a straight baller, fantastic leader, and maybe the best perimeter defender in college basketball. Well, except for…
31. Texas’ Dogus Balbay: Who also doubles as my favorite Turkish-born player in college basketball this year. Take that Deniz Kilicli!
32. Xavier: Only two teams have made the Sweet 16 in each of the last three years. One is Michigan State (Ugh). The other is Xavier. Be afraid Syracuse fans. Be very afraid.
33. Virginia Tech’s Return To The NCAA Tournament: Oh wait, never mind. Sorry Hokies fans. By the way, who’s ready to hear Seth Greenberg piss and moan for the next four days? Anyone?
34. The Michigan State Spartans: I swear, if they make another run to the Final Four, I will inflict pain on someone. Don’t test me Izzo…
35. Louisville’s Male Cheerleaders: Is anyone concerned that we haven’t heard a peep out of the Louisville male cheerleading squad since this incident? Does anyone else think that Rick Pitino might’ve put out a few phone calls, and made them “disappear?”
36. The East Regional Final In Newark, NJ: Which literally might be the only excuse you ever have to go to Newark.
37. Because With The NCAA Tournament Pre-Occupying Bruce Pearl: There’s a reasonable chance he won’t be hosting any unsanctioned barbeques at his house these next few weeks. Which believe me, is a good thing.
38. UNC Freshman Harrison Barnes: No joke to make here. Just a ton of credit to a kid who has spent the last six weeks shutting up his doubters.
39. Arizona’s Jesse Perry: Who’s easily got the sickest set of dreads in this year’s NCAA Tournament.
40. Michigan Coach John Beilein: Is it weird that every time I see him on TV I still think of Kevin Pittsnogle and Mike Gansey?
41. West Virginia Coach Bob Huggins: Is it weird that every time I see him on TV I still think, “Would someone get that man a clean shirt and tie.”
42. The Pitt Panthers: If Jamie Dixon can’t get to the Final Four with this team, in this bracket, well, I don’t know if it’s ever going to happen.
43. The George Mason Patriots: Did I mention I’m a UConn fan? Yeh, let’s just move away from the George Mason talk, before I start breaking stuff and crying into my Josh Boone jersey. Thanks.
44. Florida Forward Chandler Parsons: Or as I like to call him: Justin Bieber’s 22-year-old identical twin brother.
45. The Oakland Golden Grizzlies: Yes I know they’re not from California. And yes their coach looks like a garbage man. But just trust me, these guys can ball. Be very careful Texas fans. That’s all I’m saying.
46: Temple-Penn State and Texas A&M-Florida State in Round 1: Who likes 50-48 final scores? Anyone? Maybe this “expanded,” TV schedule wasn’t such a good idea after all.
47. Vanderbilt’s Festus Ezeli: Who always makes me think of this clip when I hear his name.
48. Ben Hansbrough: Honestly, how many elbows do you think he took to the face from Tyler as a kid? 40,000? 50,000? Speaking of Notre Dame, how about…
49. Mike Brey’s Suits: Which once again prove that just because these coaches make a lot of money, doesn’t mean they necessarily spend it.
50. Purdue’s JaJuan Johnson: I’m still not sure how I feel about his team, but I know how I feel about him. There isn’t a more complete big man in college basketball right now.
51. The Wisconsin Badgers: Also known as, “That team that scored 33 points in a regulation basketball game the other day.” Ugh.
52. Marquette Forward Chris Otule: Who, because of a childhood deformity, only has one functioning eye. Absolutely incredible.
53. Akron Coach Keith Dambrot: Whose real claim to fame, is that he was LeBron James' coach during his freshman and sophomore years of high school. Crazy but true.
54. Tracy Wolfson: The most underrated aspect of CBS’s tourney coverage is Wolfson, who’ll be working the sidelines straight through the Final Four. With all due respect to everyone else the field, Wolfson is the best sideline reporter there is right now. Hands down.
55. Jared Sullinger: You didn’t think I could get to 68 bullet points without mentioning Sullinger did you? Of any player on any team, he might be the single biggest difference maker.
56. Kansas Guard Tyrel Reed: My favorite, “I’m not sure exactly why I like him, but I just do,” guy in this tournament. Watch Kansas, and Reed will do 10 things that won’t show up in the box score but will impact the game. I guarantee it.
57. San Diego State’s Kawhi Leonard: Not only is he one of the 10 best players in the country, but I was also once told that an opposing coach described Leonard as “Having hands the size of toilet seat covers.” I’m not sure exactly what that means. But I still feel like it’s something that needs to be shared.
58. USC Coach Kevin O’Neill: Just go ahead and fill in your own joke here. It’s ok, I’ll wait…
…
…
Done? Alright, let’s move on.
59. BYU Guard Jackson Emery: If you think that the only reason BYU was 30-4 this year was because of Jimmer Fredette, well, umm, you’re a fool. Emery also wins the award for my favorite “Married college basketball player in 2011,” narrowly edging, well, I think he’s the only actually. Still.
60. Clemson Coach Brad Brownell: Is it weird that I didn’t even know Brownell’s name until the ACC Tournament, yet I already like him more than I ever did Oliver Purnell?
61. Cal Tech: Ok, so maybe they’re not in this year’s NCAA Tournament field, or even a Division I team. But still, they just broke a 25 year conference losing streak!!! Can we show them a little love!
62. Brad Wanamaker: I don’t know what to say about the Pitt senior, other than that I love his game. That’s all.
63. Gonzaga Point Guard David Stockton: His shorts might not be as short as dad’s, and his hair not quite as goofy. But the second Gonzaga put John’s son in the lineup, this team absolutely took off.
64. Steve Lavin’s Hair: The NCAA Tournament just hasn’t been the same the last nine years without it.
65. Utah State Coach Stew Morrill: Sure Morrill is a little creepy, and maybe sorta looks like someone who might open fire at a post office. Still, it seems like the Aggies win 30 games a year, every year, with him as coach. Think anyone in Logan cares what he looks like?
66. Villanova: I’ve spent the last hour trying to think of something redeemable about this team. All I’ve got so far is, “Jay Wright’s suits.”
67. A Party In The OSU: My favorite random thing of this season, a video which I’ve definitely watched at least 1,000 times since it first hit the internet a few months back.
Still, there’ll be no partying at Ohio State, because…
68. Kansas Is Your 2011 National Champion: Rock. Chalk. Jayhawk.
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